A Road Not Taken
by Phoebsfan
Summary: A past mistake leads Max down a road she never planned on, a path away from the one person she could always trust. Logan learns to live without but finds that without may not be nessecary. AU M/L EDITED AND REPOSTED CAUSE IT DESERVES REVIEWS COMPLETE
1. Prologue....

A Road Not Taken

Disclaimer: Hey I don't own any Dark Angel Characters, including but not limited to Max, Logan, Asha, and Rafer.  They belong to James Cameron the man who re-sunk the Titanic and his friend Eglee.  I also do not own any quotes such as Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken or lines from songs by the Calling, Train, and even LeeAnn Rimes.

Summery: AU.  Results from a mistake drive Max away.  Logan learns to live again only to find that Max isn't as far away as he thought. M/L UST ANGST!!!! 

Rating:PG-13 to cover my butt.

AN: Ok people, though this is a M/L fic brace yourselves and don't hate me too long.  You may not like this future I've created. It may be slightly disturbing to all of you who have Logan and Max married with 2.3 kids and a dog named Fido. But I promise you the end will be happy and should please all M/L shippers so don't give up prematurely.  

Archive: if you want to but contact moi first please. phoebs_fan2001@yahoo.com

AN2: ok don't hate me again.  Oh and please tell me what you are thinking; contrary to popular belief I am not psychic.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I too the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

                            -Robert Frost-

Prologue....

"Mom? Where are we going?" Hannah asked her mother once more as they tore down the streets of LA.  For as long as she could remember Hannah had been on the run with her mother.  At twelve Hannah decided it was time she ask where they were headed.  

Before it had always been an adventure but now, well now Hannah just wanted to have a normal life like all her friends.  Hannah wanted to have friends that she could count on, she wanted to talk about boys and get her first kiss, but with the way they were always moving around she never had the opportunity to get close to anyone.

It had always just been her and her mother, but now Hannah wanted more.  

Hannah knew that she was different then the others and not just because of her frequent flyer miles so to say, she'd always been smarter then the others and faster, and stronger.  And well just plain more then the other kids.  Like her mother.  But Hannah had learned early on that Mom's past was not a topic that they discussed, ever.

"I don't know Hannah.  I don't know," her mother offered quietly.


	2. I know now, just quite how, my life and ...

Chapter One

I know now, just quite how, my life and love might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time...

"She isn't out there you know."  Asha offered behind his back.  Logan Cale turned from the window he'd been staring out of for the past hour and offered her a lame smile.  "It's been twelve years.  She isn't coming back." Asha continued.  He knew she was only trying to be helpful, that she didn't really mean to sound cruel, and that it had nothing to do with her feelings for him but still it hurt.

"Twelve years today actually."  Logan offered and turned back to the window.  Twelve years ago today he'd lost her somehow.  Twelve years today, since he'd seen her face.  Had it really been that long?  Had it really been only that long?

"Logan you've got to stop torturing yourself this way."  Asha offered coming up behind him and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.  Maybe one day he'd be able to just accept her gesture and not try to imagine her hand as Max's.  "You've got a day every month that you dedicate to her, whether it was the first time you cooked her dinner, her birthday, or the day she popped into your life.  You have to stop.  Twelve years Logan.  Twelve years without a phone call, without a letter.  Do you think she is sitting in front of a window right now thinking about you?  Do you think she even cares?  Logan if she cared she wouldn't have broken your heart that way."  Asha tried again to no avail.  

"Asha, all I ask is for one day for her." he broke out.

"What about your son Logan?  Doesn't he deserve a day with his father without her ghost tagging along?  Things may not have worked between us but Daniel deserves a father."  

"Daniel has nothing to do with this Asha." he broke out coldly.

"He comes home from here all the time asking questions about her Logan.  He hates her.  I don't want him to hate her Logan.  I don't want him to hate you because of her."  She pleaded with him.  Logan only turned away from her hand and walked to the other side of the room.  "He's getting older Logan.  He's only four but he's not stupid.  He understands that his mommy and daddy aren't together because of another woman.  He understands that his father...he understands Logan."  Asha finished knowing that Logan wouldn't take any of it to heart.  He never did.  "We can't do this to him.  So you're going to have to choose.  It's Max or Danny.  You can't have both.  Your current state only goes to prove it." 

When Logan didn't turn to answer her she sighed and turned to leave.

"Saturday." he offered finally as she started to leave the room.

"Thank you Logan.  I didn't want to have to take his father away from him."  Logan dismissed her with a nod and she quickly slipped out of his penthouse and started home.

Maybe Asha was right.  Maybe it was time he forget her.  

When she left he'd thought he'd never be able to forgive her but he'd been wrong.  He'd forgiven her eleven years, eleven months and twenty-nine days ago.  He realized he'd already forgiven her years ago.  But that didn't mean he could forget.  He'd probably never be able to forget, Logan realized sadly as he pressed his forehead to the cold hard glass of the window that separated him from the rainy skies of Seattle.

On days like this every heartbeat seemed to echo her name and squeeze memories of her through him like the blood that traveled through his veins.  The rain beating against the window, the hum of his computers, the echoing vastness of his penthouse, it all spoke of the past.  And on days like this he didn't fight its overpowering pull into darkness.  Days like this were hers, and like it or not, she claimed them greedily.  Selfishly taking his soul on a heart-jarring ride of agony, she left him smiling coyly and begging him for more.

To feel her lips pressed against his again, to hold her in his arms while she cried, just to be able to say her name, something he hadn't done in years in an effort to bury her, these things haunted him.

But then he had his good days too.  When Danny came over and they went to the park or the circus.  When he could pretend that she had never come into his life and disrupted everything he'd ever had.  

There were days when Asha, Danny, and himself were just like that picture perfect family they had always tried to convince themselves they were.  But Asha had been right; they weren't that family.  

If someone had told him that she'd leave, that he'd spend a night with Asha, that they'd have a child, and that he'd marry her only to divorce her three years later, well he couldn't have believed them.  He never should have slipped up, and he shouldn't have tried to fix it by marrying Asha, Danny didn't deserve the lies.

Danny was the only light in his life now.  And now if Asha was right then _she was ruining that too.  He had to fix it._

She left.  She wouldn't be back.  It was time to let go.


	3. I hope there’s someone out there who can...

Chapter Two

I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you...

Max watched her daughter sleep.  She looked like Rafer.  

Rafer, now there was a name she hadn't thought about in a long time. 

Brushing a stray hair from Hannah's sleeping face, Max once more wished that night had ended differently, namely bumping into someone else besides Rafer.  But then she wouldn't have Hannah.  There really wasn't a point to thinking about it.  It had been twelve long years and any past she had back then wouldn't be waiting.

Any past, namely Logan, wouldn't be sitting at his window looking out, not really seeing anything, tonight.  Just because it had been twelve years today, just because she remembered, didn't mean he would.

Besides it wasn't like going back was an option.  He may have forgiven her for her night with Rafer but then he didn't know about Hannah.  And although Hannah was perfect in almost every sense of the word, Max knew that Logan would not take her existence lightly.

And he would probably never forgive her for leaving him so suddenly.  For never calling to let him know she was okay, for running.

She'd blamed White, the virus, and even her own fear of getting involved with Logan, in order to hide the real reason she was leaving.  Hannah, the beautiful little girl laying in the middle of their shared bed, in the middle of a half-assed excuse for a hotel room.   

The moonlight danced through the window, playing hide and seek with the little girls face.

It wasn't fair.  Hannah shouldn't have to live like this, trading one crappy hotel room for another, broken down city, after broken down city.  Just because Max had a past. Just because Max had to hide.

She had a few options.  They could always continue living like this, on the run all the time, afraid of who might be watching.  She could run back to Logan and beg for forgiveness and tell him that he was the only one she'd ever care for in that way, smiling ruefully she pushed the thought out of her head dismissing it as impossible, if only.

No there really wasn't any other option then her last.  Hannah didn't deserve to suffer because of Max's past and Logan didn't deserve to suffer because of Hannah's presence.  

Rafer.

Not able to completely cut him off, he was after all Hannah's father, Max had kept in contact with him.  He'd settled down and started a family of his own, the kind that Hannah deserved.  And every letter sent asked Max to come and visit.  Every letter pleaded with her to let him meet his daughter.  To let his daughter stay with him.  His daughter needed stability and if Max couldn't offer her that then he would be more then willing to take her in until she could.

"Oh Hannah."  Max sighed slipping down to lie next to her daughter she pulled the girl into her arms knowing it would be one of the last times she'd be able to do so.  Tomorrow they would start toward Seattle and in a few days she'd leave Hannah with Rafer.

Unable to stop the tears she let them come and rain down on her daughter's sleeping form.

When Hannah was gone...

No she couldn't think about that now.  Not tonight.

"Logan.  What should I do?  You'd know."  Max closed her eyes waiting for the answer, knowing he'd never be able to answer her.  Still just saying his name often made her feel slightly better.

Hannah stirred in her arms and opened her eyes.

"Mom?" she questioned groggily.  Max tried a smile on but Hannah had inherited her mother's intelligence and knew that Max was hiding something.  Reaching up she hugged her mother while she cried.  

This wasn't all that uncommon lately.  Hannah waking up to her mother's tears.  She'd often heard her mother's guarded whispers as well.  Hannah also inherited her mother's sleep habits though her mother liked to think that she took after Rafer in that.  Truthfully Hannah faked sleep more then half of the time just to make her mother happy.

"Who is he?" Hannah dared to ask.

"Who honey?" Max asked pulling away confused.

"The man you cry about.  The one you talk to when you think I'm asleep.  The one who takes you away from me.  Logan." Hannah explained.

Max sighed and pushed away from her daughter standing up and walking over to the window to watch as the rain fell against the window.  Pressing her hand to the glass she tried to come up with an honest answer.

"It isn't important," she offered lamely closing her eyes to squeeze back tears.

"Why did you leave him?" Hannah tried again.

Years ago she would have lied, years ago she would have said it was too hard to stay with the virus and White on her butt.  Truthfully though, the virus had been eradicated years ago when Max still believed that she could go back eventually, White was still on her butt more so now then when she was in Seattle, so staying away for those reasons didn't make any sense anymore.  Hannah was the only reason, she could pretend all she wanted but Hannah was it.  Telling Hannah that however would only hurt her.

"I didn't." honestly in her heart she'd never left him. "He..." Max couldn't continue.

"Oh." Hannah offered misinterpreting her silence.  It was just as well Max smiled ruefully.

"Go to sleep.  We've got a lot of distance to cover tomorrow."


	4. Run away with my heart...run away with m...

Chapter Three

Run away with my heart...run away with my hope...run away with my love....

"Max." Logan nodded briskly as she stalked into his penthouse looking for the world as if nothing had happened between the two of them.

"Its been awhile." she offered coming up behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder to get him to face her.

"We have to stop meeting like this." he smiled, sweeping her into his arms.

"Like what?" she questioned innocently, closing her eyes and pulling him closer. "I miss you." she grew serious.

"You could always come back," he offered kissing her hair. 

"Yeah.  And you wouldn't be mad at me at all?  Come on Logan.  You've told yourself that you've forgiven me but if I walked in your door, you'd remember.  You'd remember how I broke your heart.  And you wouldn't be happy about it."  Max offered still cuddled against his chest.

"I don't think I would Max.  I think I'd probably risk death just to hold you again," he offered, kissing her forehead and moving his lips down her cheek and to the base of her neck.

"I thought I told you I fixed that little problem."  Max answered with eyes closed in ecstasy, moving her head back to expose her neck more fully to his exploring lips.  Moving his lips back up he stopped to whisper in her ear.

"Hmm.  Guess I'll never really know." he quickly turned his attention to nibbling on her ear.

"Oh ye of little faith." she chuckled.  Pulling back he smiled at her.

"Just like you don't believe I can walk?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Guess we all have our issues." she answered. "Come back here you are way to far away." she pleaded closing her eyes and lifting her head once more, waiting for him to return to his previous actions.

"No Max." her eyes shot open in surprise.  He'd never denied her in the past. "I can't keep doing this, we can't keep doing this.  Fooling ourselves into believing that we can wait forever.  We can't.  I have promises to keep and you...well it isn't fair to you for me to pretend that things haven't changed." he finished.

"I'm not going to see you again am I?" Max questioned with tear filled eyes.  Pulling her to him again he held her while she cried.

"No Max. No, you won't."

"I want to kiss you then," she informed pushing away from him.  He questioned her with a raised eyebrow.  "What?  We've been doing this for twelve years Logan and we've yet to actually kiss.  I mean really kiss. Because we both know that when we do we'll wake up.  So lets just do it this time.  If I'm never going to see you again, I want to kiss you." she finished. 

Smiling he pulled her closer and lessened the distance between their lips.

"I love you Max Guevara.  Don't you ever forget it." he ordered and she chuckled.

"I know.  Trust me, I know. " She answered not able to say the words but conveying the feeling with her substituted words.  

As their lips met their worlds tore apart once more in darkness.

Max rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.  Since she didn't sleep much, her dreams of Logan were treasured, precious and rare, and right now all she wanted to do was slip back into sleep and continue kissing him.  But knowing that it wouldn't happen she sighed and pulled herself from her bed, dragging Hannah out of bed with her.  They really needed to get on the road.

Logan stayed still, lying in bed not moving or opening his eyes, as if he didn't move then he really wouldn't have to move on.  Slowly though he opened his eyes.  At least in his dreams he had a goodbye of sorts. 

 Pushing the sheets from him he sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.  He should really call Asha and apologize for his indifference yesterday. 

Standing up, he walked over to his closet to grab some clothes.  He'd take a quick shower and call Asha and invite her and Danny over for lunch.  

He really needed to be moving on.


	5. Did you make it to the Milky Way and see...

Chapter Four

Did you make it to the Milky Way and see the lights are faded

and heaven is overrated? ...Are you lonely looking for yourself out there?

"You nervous?" Max questioned with a smile to Hannah's fidgeting.  They were standing outside of Rafer's place waiting for someone to come to the door.  Max herself was a little more then nervous.

"A little bit."  Hannah offered.  The door swung open revealing an older and wiser looking Rafer.  Max flashed him a smile, which he answered by pulling her into a hug.

"Max! Hey this is a surprise.  Come in. I'd like to introduce you to my family."  He pulled on her arm as she halted him turning his attention toward the shy girl next to her.

"Rafer, this is Hannah, your daughter," she offered.  Rafer smiled at Hannah and held out his hand for her.

"Hey.  I've waited a long time to meet you," he said as she took his hand and he pulled her into his arms.

"Hey Asha, we still on for this afternoon?" Logan spoke into the phone as he continued reading up on a current Eyes Only case.  For a while after Max left he'd stopped doing them all together but slowly he'd started again, only to break them off again when he'd married Asha.  Only last week when he'd officially said goodbye to Max had he started them up again full force.  

It was time.

"Yeah, we'll drop Danny by on our way out." Asha replied.

"Hope you two have an enjoyable afternoon." Logan teased Asha about the date she was going on with Alec of all people.  When that had started up he didn't know.  He'd have to resolve that, he should know if only for Danny's sake what was going on in Asha's life.

"We will." she smirked.

"This isn't entirely a social visit is it?" Rafer asked Max as the two watched Hannah play with Rafer's other kids.  Happy to see that Hannah was more then glad to entertain her six and four year old half-siblings, Max answered not looking at him.

"No it isn't."

"Do you know how long?" he asked again.

"No. I don't." she said finally turning to him.

"Does she know?"  Max only shook her head no.  "You haven't changed much.  But then again you have." he offered.  And Max smiled back lamely.

"Hey Danny."  Logan smiled pulling his son into his arms in a quick hug.  Danny was getting to the point that he didn't like hugs, cause "hugs are girlie" so he quickly pulled away.

"We'll be back around nine."  Asha offered and Logan nodded as Danny started to pull on his father's arm.

"Want to go to park.  Wanna go to park." he'd started to chant.

"Guess you two are headed for the park."  Alec commented with a smirk.

"Hannah, I need you to stay with your father for a little bit."  Max started out.

"Will you be back?" Hannah asked seriously.  Her face tore at Max's heart.  She'd remember this for a long time yet.

"Of course." she lied and ruffled Hannah's hair.  They both knew she was lying.

"I love you Mommy."  Hannah suddenly flung herself into Max, burying her head into Max's stomach.  Max pulled her close and let a few tears fall.

"Come on, it will be okay.  Besides I saw that Mary has a gameboy and I'm sure she'll let you play with it." Max joked lifting her daughter's face toward her.

"I don't want a gameboy Mommy."  Max was quickly growing concerned at Hannah's continuing use of the word Mommy, something she hadn't done in a good four years.  

The group had headed over to a nearby park.  Max had thought that it would be easier on Hannah if she left from a place that wouldn't be the girl's new home.  Rafer had let the two hang behind while Max told Hannah of her plans.  Arriving at the park, Rafer had turned around to see Hannah clinging to her mother.  Shooting Max a questioning look she nodded at him.

"Come on baby. Look your father wants you to come and see him."  Max gestured to Rafer who was now gesturing for Hannah to come see him.

Not to be swayed from her quest, Hannah grabbed Max's hand and pulled her along with.

"Hannah."  Max warned.

"Come here Hannah.  Let me tell you a story." Rafer offered.  

Hannah turned her back on Rafer and pulled Max down to her knees.

"Oh baby.  I love you."  Max whispered, as her voice caught she pulled Hannah into her arms and buried her face into Hannah's shoulder.

"Daddy!  Watch me go down the slide!" Danny called out and Logan watched as his son slid down the slide, Danny then waved and headed over to a sandbox. 

Logan's eyes followed his son's movements with pride.  But something caught his eye.

On the other side of the park a woman clung to a girl no more then twelve he guessed.  

He could have sworn the woman was Max.  But he knew better.  Still he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Her hair was long and worn down, the ends brushing the middle of her back.  Max used to wear her hair like that, straight and long with nothing to hold it in place.  Even its chocolate color was hers, but there the similarities ended.  The woman's hair was streaked with blonde giving her a punk look.  

The little girl's face was tear strewn but she made no noise and didn't attempt to wrap her arms around the clearly sobbing woman.  (Even the woman's sobs sounded distinctly Max like.)  The little girls face looked haunted and as her dark eyes met his Logan found he couldn't tear them away.  She was a beautiful little girl.  And looked very much like Max.

Logan sighed tearing his eyes away as the little girl closed her eyes.  

When were things going to get better, even children looked like Max now.  

Still there was something so familiar about the two of them Logan found his eyes wander back to them.

The woman had stood and was now hugging a man who looked familiar but Logan couldn't seem to place him.  And then she had taken off, never turning back to the girl who was now staring at him, not trying to hide her curiosity, and never once showing him her face.

Logan's eyes followed the woman as she quickly retreated.  She carried herself like Max.  If she'd only turn around...

"Daddy! Daddy!" Danny called out and Logan turned to watch as his son showed him the, well, pile of sand he had made.

"Good job Danny!" he called out enthusiastically.

When he turned back the woman was gone.


	6. And maybe I'll find a way to make it bac...

Chapter Five

And maybe I'll find a way to make it back some day...to guard you through the darkest of your days....

Hannah watched curiously as the man on the bench watched her mother leave.  There was something about him.  His kind blue eyes, and the way he followed her mother's movements as if he'd seen them before.

Curiosity won out of shyness and she marched up to him and sat next to him on the bench.

"Hi." she offered with a winning smile.

"Hello." He offered back.

"My name's Hannah.  What's yours?"

"Logan.  Didn't your mom teach you not to talk to strangers?" he asked, testing the water.

"Your name's Logan, so you're not a stranger anymore." she offered and he laughed.  "My mom had to leave.  I'm staying with my dad now."  Logan nodded at her openness.

"Was that your mom that hugged you?" he braved.

"Yeah.  She doesn't usually get all mushy like that."

"Oh?" he questioned.

"Yeah, she says it's not smart to get attached to things cause they can get lost." Hannah offered.

"She looked attached to you," he offered.

"That's cause I'm special."

"That I see."

"Hannah!" the man she had been with called out and Logan smiled.

"Well gotta jet.  See ya round." Hannah tossed out and followed the man away.  

Hannah's words froze Logan in place.

Max.

Logan often found Hannah at the park and the two became fast friends.  Her father, oddly familiar, often played with his younger children and Danny.  

It seemed that Hannah wouldn't open up to anyone else.  And her father was more then glad to have someone that his little girl could talk to.

"Well Hannah, Danny and I need to get going." Logan offered to the silence that had taken up residence.  Sometimes she reminded him of Max so much but other times she was so distinctly Hannah that he had to laugh that the idea had ever crossed his mind.

"Well Logan, it's been fun.  Hey I was just thinking about something." Hannah offered out of the blue as Rafer walked up to the two of them.

"What's that?" he questioned

"Well my mom knew a guy named Logan once and he sounded nice. She liked him a lot actually but I guess he didn't feel the same.  She talked to him all the time and sometimes she had dreams about him.  But well I don't know.  Just weird that both of us have friends named Logan I guess." she finished.

"Weird." Logan added for her benefit.  It really wasn't all that weird but if she thought it was then he wouldn't dissuade her.

"Come on Hannah. It's time to go." Rafer offered.

"You know.  We've both been coming here for three months now and entertaining each other's kids but we have yet to be introduced.  I'm Logan."  Logan offered his hand.

"Rafer." Rafer answered.  And suddenly it all clicked into place.  

"Oh my God.  Hannah's.  Her mother..." Logan started not able to finish his sentence.  Rafer too had recognized Logan.

"Listen man.  We didn't.  After that night.  I mean."  Rafer offered to calm what he interpreted as fury rising in Logan.

"What's going on?"  Hannah asked.

"Max..." Logan broke off looking away from them. "Max." he repeated closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry."  Rafer offered.  Pulling on Hannah's arm.

"Wait. You're Logan!"  Hannah asked confused and angry.  Logan nodded not opening his eyes.  "I hate you.  You hurt her so bad.  She cried all the time because of you.  Why couldn't you love her?  She loved you so much. I hate you."  Hannah cried out, hurt. Rafer had to restraint her.  Logan knew she didn't really hate him but her words cut him the same.

"Where is she?" Logan demanded of Rafer, his eyes filled with a passion that hadn't been since before she left.

"She asked me not to tell you." Rafer explained.  In all honesty she hadn't told him anything of the sort because she hadn't counted on the two running into each other.  But Rafer knew she would want to think about it before he showed up on her front door.  Max didn't need to be hurt any further.  Not having Hannah was killing her as it was.  How many times could he kill her?

Logan nodded, smiling ruefully.  He should have known.

"I'm sorry."  Rafer offered again struggling with Hannah as she tried to launch herself at Logan.  Earning freedom she slugged Logan in the chest.  Shocked at her strength momentarily he sat stunned until Hannah too realized what she'd done.  

Logan reached out tentatively and placed a hand on her shoulder.  Hannah didn't shrug it off and instead walked up to him and threw her arms around him.  Logan pulled her up and sat her in his lap enfolding her in his arms he rocked her as she cried.

"Hannah.  I loved your mother very very much.  Whatever she has told you is probably true.  But know that I loved her more then anything." Logan whispered.

So that was why Max had left.

Not because of White.  

Not because of a virus.

Not because of him.

Because of a little girl named Hannah.


	7. To capture this moment, I do anything. T...

Chapter Six.  
To capture this moment, I do anything. To love you forever, I don't need a ring.  
  
"Logan?" Max asked confused. She was riding for Jam Pony and he walked into headquarters with an angry expression on his face. Everyone else seemed to be gone.  
"Max." he clipped coldly.  
"What do I owe this pleasure to? I thought we weren't going to meet like this again." Max stated wary as he came up to her and pushed her against a locker. Pressing himself against her he whispered into her ear.  
"So I met someone a couple months ago. Reminds me of you actually."  
"Oh really." Damn if this wasn't a dream she'd be in heaven. That was the problem with dreams, no sense of touch, taste, or smell. Which with Logan so close that his stubble brushed against her cheek and his breath should have tickled her skin, wasn't very fair. She couldn't even feel him push her against the lockers and keep her there with his body. But that didn't mean the situation wasn't turning her on.  
"Yeah her name is Hannah." Max gulped and he pulled his face back enough to look at her. "She's twelve." Max tried to act innocent but Logan wouldn't take it. "Funny thing is she's your daughter." He stared at her but Max had closed her eyes effectively blocking him out.   
"Damn it Max why didn't you tell me?" he demanded pushing away from her and starting to pace. Max opened her eyes.  
"Told you I couldn't just come walking back into your life didn't I?" she offered weakly.  
"Max I would have understood. If I'd known. Max I wouldn't have let you leave."  
"I know. Your duty minded brain would have made you feel responsible." Max snapped pushing him up against a locker again. "I didn't want your pity Cale."  
"I thought you knew." He offered lamely as she hovered inches from his lips.  
"Knew what." She spit out with venom.  
"It wouldn't have been about pity." Max rolled her eyes.   
Logan grabbed her and pulled her closer to him roughly, his eyes glinted with pure emotion that Max couldn't misinterpret.  
"It would have been about love. Oh and by the way I like your new hair." Not able to contain himself anymore he tore into her, capturing her lips with his.  
  
  
Max bolted awake in another crummy hotel room. She was definitely not going to be able to sleep again after that. Embarrassed that she was now very much aware of every inch of her body and very much disappointed that she hadn't woken up to find him next to her.   
Sure she'd had dreams about him before and in those dreams he'd taunted her with his good looks and charm but he had never made her feel so aware, so intensely alert, so damned turned on before. At least not from a dream. In real life he'd done it numerous times.  
Did that mean that he knew? Did that mean that…  
Oh God what was she going to do. 


	8. Piercing rain that drowns. Your tears fl...

Chapter Seven

Piercing rain that drowns. Your tears flow unchecked.  Sometimes all you hide.  Comes tumbling from inside.

Max slipped silently into his penthouse.  The door was hard and real as she pushed it open.  The sounds of clicking keys assaulted her ears.  Something was cooking in the kitchen. 

Once more she pinched herself to see if it was real.  It was.

Silently she slipped up to the door of his office.  Watching, like the first time they'd met, he was now also doing an Eyes Only broadcast.

Max couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.  After all in a few moments there would be nothing to smile about.

Logan turned around in his chair and their eyes met.  Still after all the years there was that inescapable pull between the two.

Logan was the first to break away.  Standing up he walked past her without looking back.  

"Right.  Should have seen that one coming," she sighed to his back.  Max followed him to the kitchen, where he proceeded to ignore her and stir the sauce simmering on the stove.

As he moved over to the counter and started chopping vegetables Max decided to break the ice.

"For what it's worth.  I'm sorry."  It echoed lamely in her ears.  It wasn't nearly what it should have been.  She should have told him everything, but still she couldn't let him see.  

He had a very real potential to hurt her.  And she didn't know how much more hurt she could take.

Taking his silence to mean it wasn't worth much, Max sighed again.  She hadn't realized that he'd been so hurt.  She should have damn it.

"Logan, I know I don't deserve it.  I know it's entirely up to you.  But please, can you just say something.  Anything.  Tell me you hate me.  Tell me to leave and never come back. Or don't. I really don't care what you say."  Max pleaded.

"Just go."  Logan clipped without looking at her.

"I deserved that."  Max nodded fighting tears and quietly slipped out of his penthouse.  

Chalk that one up to defeat.  One visit left on her trip.

"Hannah, honey, I didn't want to-" Hannah cut Max's words off.

"Mom.  I've got a life here now.  I really would appreciate it if you'd just go."  Hannah braved.

"Sweetie I didn't. I can't..." finding words impossible under Hannah's harsh glare, Max nodded.

"I promise to visit."  Max offered weakly.  Hannah only nodded and threw out a comment about calling first.  Rafer and his wife had done a good job with her.  She was happy, she was healthy, and she was finally living the life she desired.

There just wasn't any room for her in that life anymore.

Shit that hurt.

As of yet, tonight she hadn't cried.  Max wondered if she'd ever be able to cry about it.

Sometimes tears didn't come; sometimes it just cut too deep.

Max tore through the streets of Seattle, fighting against the rain that pelted her in the face, fighting against the wind that tore through to her soul, fighting against the feelings that threatened to explode.

Somehow she ended up back at his place.  Somehow she ended up in his elevator, picking the lock on his door, stalking into his apartment and collapsing in a heap in front of him.

"Do you think it was easy for me?  Do you think I didn't remember everyday?  Do you think I didn't cry?  Logan." her voice broke.  "Logan. Logan."  The tears came then and in broken sobs she continued. "Hannah hates me...You hate me...Logan I don't think I can take this."

"Max." his voice was raspy and sounded as if he was on the verge of joining her in tears on his floor. "I don't hate you."

She only sobbed harder.

"Max." he tried again, not knowing what else he could do, he dropped to knees and offered her the comfort of his arms.  

"No."  Max said shakily as she pulled away from him. "No."  Standing up she backed away from him.  Too much.  She'd showed him too much.  This was not ok.

Logan knew she was going to run, he knew she'd never be back if she did.  And he wasn't about to lose her again.

Jumping to his feet he pulled her into his arms.  Max pushed against his chest trying to escape his comforting embrace.  No. She couldn't give in; he'd only hurt her later.  Escaping his arms she backed away.

Logan pounced, pushing her up against a wall and trapping her lips with his.  She had to understand.  Twelve years of longing, twelve years of need, twelve years of love, were poured into the brief dominating kiss he placed on her lips before she roughly shoved him away and smacked him in the face.

That would leave a bruise.  But hell it was worth it.  In fact maybe he should get a matching one for the other side.

How could he tease her like that?  She was more then a little pissed at the man standing in front of her rubbing his cheek where she'd hit him.  Good he deserved it.  

A flicker of a smile crossed his lips and she couldn't help but wonder what exactly he found so entertaining.  Well that and what would happen if she jumped him.

"Max." he growled.  She snapped and threw herself at him.  More then happy to comply with her wishes he picked her up as she wrapped her legs around him.   Slamming them both into the kitchen wall he continued his hurried assault on her lips.

Cherries, she tasted like cherries, she smelled like cherries.  He smiled against her lips.

"Logan I'm sorry I know it's late but I was wondering if...."  Asha didn't finish her comment and moved her hand to cover her young son's eyes.

The couple pulled away, embarrassed at being caught.  

"Logan, do you mind if I crash here tonight?"  Max asked quickly.  At his nod of acceptance Max disappeared into the bathroom and sounds of the shower began a few minutes later.

"Well that's new."  Asha offered.  Logan shrugged sheepishly and Asha only nodded.  "I'm putting Danny down, don't disappear." she ordered and then disappeared down his hall.

Shit, he'd really messed up now.


	9. And in this darkness, in this gloom, you...

Chapter Eight

And in this darkness, in this gloom, your voice it reigns, supreme, undoomed, that somehow you'll come back to me. Just wait in time; just wait, you'll see.

"So?" Asha asked when she had returned.

"It's nothing." Logan tried to blow it off.  Yeah it was nothing, that's why his heart was still racing with her desire.  That's why he had spent the last five minutes thinking about mud only to find his mind wander back to the shower she was currently using.

Twelve years had done nothing to that unmistakable attraction.

Asha laughed at his comment.

"Logan that was more intense then anything I've ever seen from you. And at one time I was your wife. If that was nothing, I sure don't wanna see something," she laughed.

"Asha." he warned.

"I know. You don't want me butting in. I got it. But if you're planning on sending her packing you'd better get control of yourself, because I can tell you right now, she won't make it out of that door if you don't.  I've gotta go.  Thanks again for taking Danny on such short notice." 

Logan didn't know what scared him more.  The fact that Asha was right, or the fact that he didn't know if he could send Max out of his door ever again.

The warm water washed over her sore muscles. Max had hoped it would help her forget her previous actions but she'd hoped in vain.

Closing her eyes, she touched her lips, still swollen from his attentions.  She'd meant to stay distant enough to leave afterward.  Tackling him had not been on the agenda.  Why did he have such a strong pull on everything inside of her?

And then she'd opened her mouth and asked to stay.  What the hell had she been thinking?  As if her earlier actions hadn't been bad enough, great Max lets just spend the night at his place so we can have more uncomfortable moments together, lets just sleep mere feet from him...

Who was she kidding there was no way on earth she'd be able to sleep in the same apartment with him.  

Before she'd left she'd spent nights here, and most had been intense torture.  Enhanced hearing was not a quality you wanted when trying to sleep in the room next to someone like Logan.  He wasn't a loud sleeper; on the contrary, it was just that she could hear every breath like her pounding heart.  And every breath did things to her that she knew were wrong.  Some nights it had taken everything in her to stay in the guestroom and not storm into his room, rip his clothes off, and spend the rest of the night not sleeping.

And now, after everything...  What, did she think she could just sit there, and listen to him sleep, and not do exactly what she knew she couldn't?  Yeah cause it had been so easy in the past.

At least Danny would be staying.  He'd make it a lot harder for her to lose control.  He'd make things safe.  Whoever he was.  

That was the other thing, who was this kid that Asha just dropped off like Logan had no choice but to take him in for the night.  Sure Logan was a great guy and wouldn't object but really.  Who did Asha think she was?  It was more then a little rude of her to just assume he wouldn't have a problem, it didn't matter how good a friend he was.

Realizing that she couldn't hide out in the shower for the rest of the night as the water turned cold she turned the water off and slipped into a towel only to realize she hadn't thought this far ahead and currently had nothing to wear.

Logan's bathrobe hung in the corner invitingly.  Smiling she grabbed it and slipped into it.  It was soft and smelled like him.  Letting herself drown in it for a moment as images of the past filled her mind, she was shocked to hear a knock on the door.

"Max?" Logan questioned.  Not able to answer him she listened in silence.  "When you're done...there's food in the kitchen."  He finished with a sigh.

She waited until she'd heard him settle in front of his computer again before leaving the bathroom to find something to wear.  The last thing she wanted was for him to see her in his robe.  

At one time he'd given her a drawer to keep some clothes at his place, for business reasons.  Eyes Only jobs often had a tendency to leave her dirty and smelly.  Max wondered momentarily if that drawer still had her clothes in it.   Nah. After twelve years he would have moved them.

Curiosity won out and she made her way over to his dresser.  Opening the drawer she found that she'd been correct.  None of her clothes remained.  In fact the drawer was totally empty. Trying to shake off the weird feeling that resulted from finding the drawer empty, Max turned to the bed to find he'd laid out some of the clothes that once resided in the drawer.  

Pulling the tank top on she found it was loser then she remembered it, and the pants hung loosely as well.  Folding the elastic band down a few times she was able to keep them from falling off.  She didn't remember losing that much weight.  

Looking in the mirror at her reflection she unrolled the elastic band on her pants to try and cover the expanse of stomach they revealed when rolled. The last thing they needed was exposed skin, it would only tease.  No luck, they hung precariously low and threatened to fall right off.  Rolling them up again she pulled on the top to try and remedy the problem, still no luck.  Well Logan was just going to have to be stronger then she was.  

Grabbing her hair she pulled it up and off her neck fastening it in place with an elastic band, no longer needing to hide her barcode, glad that its cold strands could no longer bother her.  She always hated the way it left her shirt wet and her feeling chilled.

Max's stomach growled its objection at having to wait so long for food. No more stalling apparently.

Sneaking past the guestroom, she couldn't help but peak in.  What she found threw her momentarily.  

It wasn't the same.  Decorated instead now to suit the tastes of a small boy and not the neutral domain of a guest.  Lost in blankets on the bed lay Danny.

Max had a sickening feeling that maybe Asha had every right to bring him here tonight.

Making her way to the kitchen, she tried to push the thoughts out of her head.  She hadn't expected him to wait for her after all.  But maybe she had.

Logan was good enough to allow her to eat in peace, staying in front of his computer. But Max knew they couldn't avoid each other all night and a soon as she finished her meal, she went to face the inevitable.


	10. Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? ...

Chapter Nine

Am I in too deep?  Have I lost my mind? I don't care you're here tonight.

-Enrique Inglasis (admits she has no clue how you spell his name.)

"So..." Max started out.  Logan turned around to face her.

"Anyway..." he answered.

"Guess we need to talk."  Max offered.  Suddenly Logan wasn't all too fond to have this conversation with her.

"You're probably tired.  It can wait.  You can use my bed tonight. I'm fine with the couch and I probably won't sleep much tonight anyway..." Logan tried.

"Come on Logan. You aren't going to chicken out on me are you?" Max smiled.  She understood exactly where he was coming from.

"You've changed so much." Logan stated standing up and tracing a finger down her cheek.  Max only stared back into his deep crystal eyes.  "I didn't think it was possible but you're even smaller then before.  And your hair..."  Max raised an eyebrow at his comment and he chuckled. "I like it." he assured and she smiled in answer. "Even your mannerisms are different.  Your more guarded now and less at the same time."  He let his hand rest cupping her cheek as he searched her deep depths, still the same chocolate but different.  "You're so grown up." he smiled at Max's dropped jaw.

"I guess raising a kid does that to you."  Max hinted.  She was fairly sure now that Danny was his child.  

Logan closed his eyes and turned away dropping his hand.  Max grabbed his hand as it fell and tugged lightly on his arm gesturing for him to follow her.  Logan resisted and so she brought her hand up to his cheek mirroring his earlier actions.  His eyes shot open and she smiled reassuringly at him, tugging once more on his arm.  Nodding he followed her.

She led them to his room and they both sat on the bed.  He was right, she was tired.  As she fought off a yawn he chuckled at her.

"You should sleep," he offered.  Max shook her head no, but took the opportunity to lie down anyway.  Logan got up to leave her but she grabbed his wrist and pulled him down to lie next to her.

"Comfortable?" he questioned with a smile.  Max nodded not breaking eye contact with him.

"I'm sorry." she tried again.  

"Me too." he added.

"I should have told you about her.  I shouldn't have left.  I'm sorry I hurt you.  I never wanted to hurt you."  She continued. 

The moonlight danced across her face revealing the water glistening in her eyes.  She was more beautiful then than he had ever remembered her being.  

Max noticed his gaze intensify as he brought his hand out to her tracing her cheek again.  Max fought the urge to just close her eyes and let him distract her.  

"I know I shouldn't ask, I have no right to.  But can you ever forgive me?" she struggled out.

"I forgave you years ago Max."  

"I knew you'd say that."  Max giggled.

"Oh did you?"  Logan asked sliding closer to her as his gaze turned toward her lips.

"Logan.  Did you really?" she asked seriously.  Logan's eyes once more returned to hers.  Had he truly forgiven her?

"Yes Max.  I did." he answered honestly without hesitation.

"Danny's your son isn't he?"  Max asked suddenly.  Logan rolled over turning his back on her to hide.  "You had every right to move on Logan.  I would have kicked your ass if you didn't."  She added lightly to make him laugh.  He didn't respond.

Deciding to further her attempts at dragging him out, she slid up behind him and brought her arms around from behind to enfold him.  Lips pressed to his neck she continued.

"I won't lie to you Logan.  It threw me at first, and it did hurt.  But you needed to move on.  I understand.  And I don't think less of you for it."  She whispered fiercely.  Logan suddenly spun around and trapped her in his arms.

"No Max you don't.  I died when you left.  For years I waited for you to come back.  Years Max.  I can't just forget all the times I woke up thinking maybe today she'll come back.  The night Danny was conceived, Max it was our anniversary, the night you crashed into my life.  I wanted to hurt you like you'd hurt me.  But I never thought that Danny would result.  You want to know about my life.  You want to know about my hell."  Logan's voice continued to rise and his arms grew tighter around her. "My hell was waking up next to a woman I could never love in the same way, my hell was pretending to be the perfect family, knowing that even if you did come back we could never be together.  Your ghost ruined me Max.  Your ghost ruined what chance I had at happiness." he broke off shaking with rage at the woman locked in his arms.

"You're free." Max said quietly throwing him.

"What?" he questioned confused at her words. 

"I'm releasing you or whatever you need.  Go.  Have that picket fence life," she continued.

"Hell Max, if it was that easy, I wouldn't be here right now.  If it was that easy, you wouldn't be here right now," he stated truthfully acknowledging the pull between them.

"Make it that easy then.  Hate me.  I deserve it and God knows it would be easier," she mumbled into his chest, hoping he would say no but unsure.

"It wasn't all bad.  Danny is wonderful.  And Asha and I had our moments.  Besides I like a challenge." he grinned hugging her closer as she inwardly sighed relief.

"Logan?"

"Yeah."

"Don't leave me?"  She had no right to ask and she feared he would deny her the comfort of his arms.

Smiling Logan pulled her closer in answer.


	11. You can try to resist, try to hide from ...

Chapter Ten

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss, but you know, that you can't fight the moonlight...

You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

But you know 

But you know

That you 

Can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark 

You'll surrender your heart

Cause you know

Cause you know

 That you 

Can't fight the moonlight

"I really thought we weren't doing this again." Max stated as Logan strolled into her crappy hotel room.

"Yeah but apparently there was something else we needed to talk about." Logan offered plopping down on the bed next to her.

"You know if I'd known back then that giving you my blood would have this side effect then I never would have done it."  Max mocked giving him a playful shove.

"Watch it I may just wake you up." Logan threatened.

"Oh I'm shaking now," she teased.

"All right fine." he answered pushing her down on the bed and quickly straddling her so that she couldn't move.  "All it takes is one kiss you know and then we could be talking it out like normal people." he said inches from her lips.  

"Alright. Alright you win." Max said shoving him off of her.  "What's this unresolved thing we are here to discuss?" she questioned.  Logan pulled her closer and whispered in her ear.  Max giggled in response.  

"No." she finally answered his whispered question.

"All right your loss." he growled and Max suddenly had the urge to reconsider her answer.

"I want no part of those dreams Mr. Cale." she finally decided she'd made the correct choice.

"If I had my way it wouldn't be just a dream you know," he offered seriously.

"I know."

"Does that scare you?" he asked as he began to place kisses on her cheek and neck.

"I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't."  She answered turning to him and mirroring his actions.

"I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't also," he added.  Max stopped and pulled back.

"Really?" she questioned surprised at his comment. He only nodded.

"I don't think I can leave you again Logan."  She answered with an intensity that shook him.  She really couldn't.

"I don't think I could live if you did.  I'm not going to be the one to ask you to either." he promised.

"Good." Max punctuated her answer by kissing his nose. "Now what was it we were going to discuss?" she questioned.

"I think we just did."  Logan commented as the dream began to fade around them.

"What no goodbye kiss?" she questioned childishly as the last bits of the dream faded.

Logan rolled over and pulled Max into his arms.  It never ceased to amaze him how beautiful she was in sleep.  Max's eyes slowly fluttered open and he hesitated just a moment questioning with his eyes if she'd been there too.  

Seeing her answer he lowered his head and slowly kissed her, savoring every moment, every texture and taste.

When he broke away she was smiling.

"What was that all about?" she asked coyly.  Letting his eyes travel from the top of her head to her lips and then back to her eyes he smiled again.

"I think we are done with goodbye kisses.  I just wanted to start hello kisses," he offered flippantly.

"Hello." she offered coyly, toying with the buttons on his shirt.

"Minx."  He offered before he kissed her again.

"Oh but admit it. You love me for it." she toyed when he broke away for air.

"Yeah I do." he admitted sheepishly then paused momentarily while he lost himself in her eyes. "Max?" he questioned seriously.

"Yeah."

"Hello." he smiled before she pushed him down and attended to some much-delayed business.


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue  
So now I come to you with open arms nothing to hide, believe what I say. So here I am with open arms, hoping you'll see what you're love means to me...   
-Jonathan Cain/ Steve Perry  
  
"Daddy! Look at me!" Logan turned his head to see Danny slide down the slide once more then turned back to the woman sitting at his side.  
"This is nice." he commented squeezing the hand woven with his. Max smiled.  
"No objections from me." she squeezed back.  
"Did you ever think we'd end up together like this?" he whispered into her ear as he placed a kiss on her cheek.  
"Never in a million years." she smiled snuggling into the nice warm spot in the crook of his neck.  
"Max! Max! Look what I made!" Danny called out again Max turned and placed a quick kiss on Logan's cheek then jumped up to join the young boy.  
Logan smiled as Hannah took her vacated seat.  
"Are you gonna marry her?" Hannah asked point blank.  
"Well Hannah, honestly, I don't know." Logan answered with a smile. Things had been worked out between Rafer and Max and though Hannah would be staying with Rafer for a while longer while Max settled into her new life in Seattle, eventually Hannah would go back to living with her mother.  
"Want some advice?" she asked. Not one to turn down the wise advice of a twelve year old Logan nodded. "Don't pretend with her, don't wake her up from a nap, and whatever you do remember she is always right. And don't ask her about her barcode, she doesn't like it." Hannah informed. Logan suppressed a smile, if nothing else Max had the girl well trained.   
"Thanks." he informed remembering that Max hadn't minded being woken up from her nap earlier this afternoon.   
Hannah bounced away with a mischievous smile when Max returned to Logan's side.  
"What was that all about?" Max asked sitting on his lap instead of the bench.  
"Nothing. Hannah was just giving me some pointers that's all." Logan informed wrapping his arms around her waist.  
"She tell you I'm always right?" Max asked as Logan played with the hair that flooded down her back.  
"Yeah but I don't believe her." he answered with an evil grin.  
"Why's that?" Max asked running her fingers across the back of his neck.  
"Well for starters..." he started loudly but then pulled her close and whispered in her ear, sending Max into a fit of giggles.  
"Ok maybe not right about everything." she conceded. "I guess I'm gonna have to go to Danny and get the official Logan Cale guidebook huh?" Max asked sliding closer to bury her head in his shoulder.  
"Depends on what you need it for. Danny is pretty good with, don't lie to Daddy, and don't play with Daddy's toys without asking, but I don't know about anything else." Logan offered.  
"Danny likes Daddy's toys does he?" she smirked.  
"More then one Eyes Only broadcast has gone awry because of him." Logan ignored her comment.  
"hmm." Max mumbled nuzzling his chin.  
"Tired?" he questioned with a wicked grin.  
"Who wouldn't be?" she asked playfully kissing his jaw.  
"Ok we're leaving if you keep that up." Logan informed as she continued kissing him. "Maybe Hannah should stay with Rafer tonight." Logan offered tracing his finger down Max's arm and sending chills to her spine.  
"Maybe." Max answered coyly.  
  
The End. 


End file.
